STRESS and FEAR

Fear of something, no matter what it is, can be a source of stress. And it's often very different for each of us. For a teenage girl I worked with this week, it was fear of flying. For my wife, it's fear of supermarkets. How do we deal with these so called "little fears"?

It's been said that we shouldn't sweat the petty stuff, but that's easier said than done. There are various approaches ranging from "embracing the beast" to "turning and running".

This week I had the pleasure of leading an Introduction to Aviation Week for ten students from a nearby private high school. Flying is one of my passions and so it was a great chance for me to give back something I've gained from my 20 or so years of flying airplanes. On the first day I asked them why they had chosen this particular option as part of their Pro Vita (for life) program. The responses were varied and many talked about the adventure and excitement that went with taking to the air. For Victoria though it was very different. She said she was afraid of flying. Terrified, in fact. She talked about the physical reactions in her body every time she set foot on a plane to go anywhere. She had decided that by learning more about airplanes and even getting to fly one, could be one way she would overcome it.

On the first day we went flying. The weather was not the best and it was pretty bumpy aloft. Victoria let out a scream or two as the airplane bounced around. I began to wonder if this "self therapy" she had prescribed for herself might not work out. By the third day she was much more relaxed and was beginning to enjoy the experience. By the last day of the program she was ecstatic as she took the controls and actually flew the airplane herself. In her evaluation she wrote: "Taking this course has taught me not to be afraid anymore. Because I faced my fear and allowed myself to embrace the rawest form of flying I will probably experience, I am no longer worried!" Victoria had truly "embraced the beast and tamed it".

Lori really hates supermarkets and when in one for any length of time beyond a few minutes, she experiences stress related symptoms. She feels nauseous, light headed, and unstable on her legs. If she pushes through these symptoms, she then gets a headache and by the time she gets to the checkout she's often feeling like throwing up. For many years she's tried to overcome it by "just doing it anyway". As a small child from a large family, she went several times a week to the several different supermarkets with her mother for prolonged shopping experiences armed with coupons and lists. She hated it. She felt very small inside the big store and the array of stuff on the shelves was overwhelming. The fear of not getting the best bargain was ever present and the high powered fluorescent lights tended to make her feel sick in the stomach. Every time she left a store, she inwardly wished it might be the last time she'd ever have to go into one. On the other hand, I love supermarkets. I read labels and spend additional time seeking out new products to try. I enjoy looking for the bargains, chat with the guy at the seafood counter, talk to people I meet, and generally come away feeling pleased with the experience. So in our family it's a no-brainer. I do most of the grocery shopping each week and have done for years. One of the most loving things I can do for my wife is to reassure her that she doesn't have to step foot in a supermarket again if she doesn't want to. This "stay away from the damned tiger at all costs" strategy works just fine for her.

This weekend we changed the clocks forward one hour for the return to daylight saving time. I couldn't help but notice how I chose to "hug the tiger" on Saturday night. Before going to bed I made sure all the clocks were changed, remembering how in years past when waiting until the next day to change some of the clocks and forgetting to change others, I had managed to create some panic next day around us knowing what time it really was. For me, I find that when I notice the urge to procrastinate and then consciously choose not to, it makes for a less stressful time ahead.

In these examples I have outlined above there are three common elements. They are: Awareness, Choice, and Action. If you want to know more about these in more detail there is a chapter on each in my book Turn Stress Into Bliss. To shortcut though, you can ask yourself these questions: "What are the little fears (tigers) in my life?" "What are my choices with each?" "What action do I want to take?"

So what DO you do with your "tigers" in life? What works and what doesn't?

Please pass this blog on to others if you feel it might serve them. Cheers for now.

THE STRESS OF PARENTING

"When you think about it, being a parent is very much like a 90 minute strenuous yoga routine, only expanded into 20 years or more. You come up against all kinds of edges, find numerous opportunities to find out how to be present to what is happening, and find out a lot about yourself in the process. ….

... Parenting in the 21^st century is also very different from any other time in history. Only 50 years or so ago, we could almost predict that things would not change a lot from one generation to another. Not so now. Children of today, by the time they become teenagers, are probably much more adept at accessing information about anything, than both parents combined. Old systems of control used for generations of parenting, no longer apply. How can you control someone who has more information about everything than you do? It's a set up for failure.

Instead, parents must learn how to be enrollers and know how to inspire their offspring into playing a game of life that works and offers results worth achieving. "

THE ABOVE EXCERPT is taken from the Chapter on Parenting in my first book Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy: Bridge from Body Soul published in 1997. As I read it I realize that what I wrote about then, is not only still relevant some 12 years later, but is even more ( and sometimes painfully) true. In reading further I also realize that the suggestion I made then around how to deal with the many issues faced by modern parents, also still applies. Here's the essence of what I suggested then.

"…it's not so much what I do as a parent that matters as much as how I be. " p.161

And the good news is that I really do have some control over how I "be" and how I show up in my day to day relationships. For me, I don't talk to a single person in the morning until I've done at least 10 to 15 minutes of moving my body, breathing, and centering myself. I know from years of experience that this one simple thing makes a huge difference in how I show up. I also know I need to focus my mind and put my best foot forward. If I don't, that same foot will probably end up in my mouth before breakfast is over.

To me, part of getting centered as a parent, means bringing to focus all the love I feel for each member of my family. It only takes a few minutes and can even be done while washing face, combing hair or brushing teeth. I simply make a mental picture of each member of the household, and in my mind's eye, "pour out the love" to each in turn. It sounds simple and it is… but it's also very powerful. How do you prepare yourself on the inside for a day of parenting? Try my approach if you want, or create your own. But remember, parenting is a job that not only needs all the everyday skills you can muster, it also needs some inner preparation and focus if you hope to avoid or deal with much of the stress involved.

It's hard to believe that first book I wrote Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy: Bridge from Body Soul is still in print and still selling. If you want your copy you can get it at TheYogaShop.com

A big welcome to all my new subscribers who joined this week. If you like what you read, please do me and your friends a favor and forward this blog to them. I promise it won't take long to read, there's no hard selling, and each post will contain at least one simple thing that could make a difference to your life. My primary purpose in writing here, is to share with you some of the things (mostly processes), that I've learned so far in my life, that really do work.

Resolutions

streIt's usually about this time of year when we start making those "New Year's Resolutions". I guess the date turning over on the calendar from one year to the next inspires action for many of us to finally conquer whatever demon seems to be keeping us from experiences of health, wealth, and happiness.

For some, things work out and new beginnings take root and eventually flower into bloom. I remember quitting smoking about 30 years ago as a result of one such resolution. Now I'm not sure if it was the "new year" part of it that worked or the $500 bet I had with a co-worker also trying to quit that really got me motivated. Either way, it worked and I've remained smoke free.

For others, things don't work so well. Like many, I recall taking out a new gym membership one year and swearing to God that I was going to get rid of that holiday bulge by spring, only to find April roll around with membership lapsed and belly intact.

So what's the answer? It seems sometimes our resolutions might create more stress in our lives and do little to change anything, so why bother?

Perhaps it's the way we go about it. If you are inclined to make them, here's a few tips to use that will maximize your chances of manifesting whatever it is you are trying to create in your life with your New Year Resolution.

1. KIS – Keep it Simple! Take small steps and make just ONE resolution rather than multiple ones. If you are a mostly activity challenged kind of person, rather than declaring that you will train for and run a marathon by March, how about taking a 10 minute morning walk on 4 out of the 7 days in each week?
   
2. Time bound it! This is important. You need to declare not only WHAT your are going to do but also by WHEN. Example: By March 31^st, I will have gone for at least a 10 minute walk on 4 out of 7 mornings each week during the first three months of 2009.
   
3. Enroll support. By all means tell people of your resolution as a means of cementing the commitment, but go one step further. Ask for help. Example: "Kids, I'll be getting up early to go for my walk and I need your help. When you wake up you'll find bowls and cereal on the table. Please help yourselves and clean up and I'll be back in about 15 minutes."
   
4. Pre-plan for the knockout excuses and inner conversations that will stop you. Example: "I can't go walking this morning because it's raining/snowing/ too cold/too hot". Replace this with, "No matter what the weather, I will dress appropriately and go for my walk anyway!"
   
5. Keep the goal in mind. For most of us we wouldn't be going for a walk everyday just of the hell of it. We are doing it because it serves a higher purpose. Know what you want and remind yourself when you are getting it. Example: "I walk each day because it clears my mind, calms my emotions, and makes me feel physically alive". And each day upon returning: "I feel clear, calm and alive and ready for my day!"
   

Go for it! Make that resolution that will change your life! Good luck! (Or shouldn't I say, "Good Management!")

MORE TIPS ON BEATING HOLIDAY STRESS

1. Take time for Transitions

One of the ways to crank up the stress level over the holidays is to go from one activity or place to another without any transition time. It’s easy to do. I know some people who feel obliged to visit four or more different relatives on Christmas day and drag their children along. If this fits your profile you might want to do a little “time management” now and make plans to spend some in-between time doing nothing. Or better still, spread the visits out over several days or weekend days before or after the holidays and use some time to just chill at home enjoying your immediate family.

2. Get outside often and exercise a little too

Cabin fever usually sets in at holiday time. We don’t get outdoors much and we don’t breathe a whole lot of fresh air. Just 10 minutes a day outside – either walking, skiing, snow shoeing, or just simply playing in the snow or watching your garden not grow will do it. And while you are out there try a little deep breathing. Get some of that beautiful crisp winter air flowing into your lungs and enjoy it.

3. Remember what the Holidays are about and show up accordingly

One family I know has a huge Christmas dinner every year. Mom slaves in the kitchen for days to make it happen. By the time the dinner is in the oven she is exhausted and cranky. Family members avoid the kitchen in order to avoid Mom. She does manage to pull it together when she finally sits at the table but you can tell she’s been very stressed and not happy for quite a while and it tends to rub off. By all means do the big production for a holiday meal if you can do it without too much effort and retain a positive composure. But if you can’t, then try something different that will give you time to be with the people you want to celebrate with, and to show up for them with love and peace in your heart.

Happy Holidays!

READ MY LAST WEEKS BLOG POST ON “HOLIDAY STRESS” below if you haven’t already and look for one more update on the subject next week before it’s show time for this year.

Economic Stress

With all the talk about our economy tanking along with the very real effects that some of us must be experiencing, it’s hard not to spend a lot of the day thinking, talking, complaining, or worrying about it all.

Unfortunately the more time we devote to those things, the worse we feel and the less we do to make anything all that much different.

I’ve found myself drawn into the trap lately. Just about every person I talk to for any length of time will have something to say about it. Sometimes it’s in jest but the underlying feeling is the same. The tough economic times we are going through really suck!

And that’s true. But the big question is how to not allow it to stress us out? And the next more important question is how do we adjust if we need to, to make life great again despite the woes?
I guess what I’m getting at is this. It’s important for us not to deny the reality of what is happening but it’s also important to channel our energy towards making adjustments rather than wasting time complaining about it.

For me this has meant taking a good look at the damage done to my 401K and evaluating how to adjust accordingly. It is likely I will now have much less retirement income than I had planned on. That’s a hard pill to swallow but it is what it is and I’ll have to deal with it. I’ve been looking at ways to cut back on some of my spending and also exploring ways of maybe generating a little more income.

It’s interesting that once I begin to engage in these problem solving strategies I begin to actually FEEL better. My creative juices begin to flow and I even notice myself getting a little excited by some of the possibilities I’m brainstorming. As I begin to formulate ideas, I start sharing them with my spouse and family members and they too get involved. We begin to come together as a team and share the burden we face with that “we can do this” kind of attitude.

It’s been said that there is nothing like a little adversity to bring people together to fight a common enemy.

So every time you notice yourself complaining or worrying, use that as a signal to start shifting gears and moving yourself into problem solving mode. It’s hard to do both at the same time and all the complaining does is delay the problem solving. For some this can go on until it’s way too late. Don’t let that happen to you. Also, begin to ask others close to you the question, “What can we do about this do you think?” This way you are not shouldering the burden alone and starting to help others focus on finding solutions too.

7 Ways to Beat Stress

This article appeared in "Good Housekeeping" and I was impressed with the information. It's worth reading.

7 Ways to Beat Stress:

Essential Vitamins and Minerals

Last year my wife got Lyme disease. This disease has affected millions and is sometimes very hard to combat. Luckily my wife found a very good specialist in infections diseases. She helped my wife adopt a multi-faceted approach to help her combat the disease. Along with the usual traditional treatments, she urged her to strengthen her immune system and to reduce stress. Part of the program was daily vitamin and mineral supplements.

Now, I've been taking a daily multi-vitamin every day for years but didn't really know much about one vitamin supplement versus another, except that some were made without certain additives that probably weren't that good for you. Little did I know. My wife's specialist gave her a handout on some research that had been done of various brands of supplements. Apparently some supplements are absorbed easily by the human body (up to 90%) and are highly effective while others have absorption rates as low as 10% and don't really do much for you unless you take huge quantities.

Anyway, my wife selected the brand that was most highly effective according to the report and began taking the daily essentials along with some larger doses of the more specific vitamins and minerals that she needed. At the same time she took steps to eliminate as much stress as she could from her life and made sure she had plenty of rest each day.

We were both amazed that within a few weeks she noticed a marked improvement in her health. This was enough to convince me to switch my brand of vitamins too, and within a few weeks, I also noticed I had more energy, was eating less, and generally felt better overall.

If you would like a copy of the report, email me at: michael@pryt.com and I'll send you a copy. My wife and I were also so impressed with our brand of vitamin that we became distributors and will be happy to offer you discounted prices on these high quality nutitional products if after reading the report you decide you might want to use them too.

Get Outside and Enjoy the Fall

One of the best ways to reduce stress is to get outside and take a walk. (Every day if you can.) At this time of year the fall color here in the North East is a great inspiration for being outside and enjoying what nature turns on for us. Follow the foliage report for your area and make sure to get out there and enjoy it. Here is the guide for Maine in case you have any vacation time right now. Many areas will be at peak here this week.

The Weekly New England Travel and Vacation Gazette: The Latest Maine Fall Foliage Updates

A SIMPLE BREATHING AND YOGA ROUTINE TO BEAT STRESS

Did you ever notice how your breathing changes whenever you are under stress? It does. For me, it becomes shallower and more rapid. When I’m not stressed, my breathing is deep, full, and slow.
I also believe the opposite is true. For me, if I’m under stress and begin taking full deep breaths, I am able to alleviate the feeling of being stressed. Now if that is the case, it makes sense that if we change the way we breathe, we will experience less stress. Like all things though it takes some practice. You don’t just all of a sudden become skilled and mindful enough to start taking full deep breaths when under stress. Your body needs to learn to do that and it takes some practice and some time. This week we’ll begin with a short morning routine that will help your breathing and carry over into your day and hopefully provide a less stressful experience throughout your day.
The following routine is one I use frequently. It’s my bare minimum of movement and breath on a daily basis and helps me maintain my capacity to handle whatever stress I may face in any given day.
ROUTINE: DEEP FALLING OUT BREATHING WITH BODY MOVEMENT
TIME REQUIRED: 10 Minutes
FREQUENCY: Practice daily, preferably first think in the morning on getting out of bed.
EXERCISE 1: Swinging Twist
This exercise is meant to be done with a “who cares” and a “let loose” approach. Begin standing with your arms hanging loosely by your sides and your feet planted firmly on the floor a little wider apart than your hips but not too wide, and your knees slightly bent. Take a deep breath and let it fall out. (Notice we do that a LOT and always at the beginning and end of posture or exercise.) Begin to SWIVEL from your HIPS - to the left as far as they go and then back to the right as far as they go and then back and forth, left and right, in a slow swiveling movement. As your hips swivel let your arms follow the motion and begin swinging in the same rhythm as your hips and wrapping them around your body as they go. Next, bring the breath into it as well by letting out a loud “Haaaaahh” as you fully exhale every time end a swing to either the left or right. (Notice that you are being encouraged to MAKE NOISES in your yoga practice. Sound is a perfectly natural accompaniment to body movement and particularly to anything you are doing that helps you to RELEASE any tension that your body may be holding. So go for it. Make some noise. . So you are now swiveling your hips left and right, swinging your arms across the front of your body on each swivel movement and you are letting out a loud “Haaaaahh” with each out breath every time you swing one way or the other. There is one more thing. As you swing also follow the movement with your head and eyes turning it all the way around to the left as you swing left and right as you swing right. Look back into the far corners of the room behind you seeing how far around you can look each time. This brings your neck into the exercise along with your torso. What is great about the Swinging Twist from a physical perspective is that it rotates your whole spine on its axis from the pelvis all the way up to the neck. Remember, a “who cares’ as well as a “let loose” attitude.
So keep going with the Swinging Twist for about twenty complete rounds and then begin to slow it down, taking another four or five swings to do that. Let it end by standing in stillness with your eyes closed and noticing your breath. Observe what’s happening now for you – your breath, your feelings, and your thoughts.
EXERCISE 2: Buckets of Paint
This exercise can be modified to suit your level of flexibility. If it’s too much for you as described here, simply modify to suit your body by lessening the amount of movement but keeping the same deep level of breathing.
Stand with feet a little wider than hip width apart. Bend forward and bend your knees so your hands can come to about a foot above the floor. Imagine that either side of you, just in front and to the side of your feet, is a bucket of paint. Imagine you are picking up a bucket in each hand by its handle. Raise each bucket up and above your head, standing to straight up standing position as you do. Take a deep breath in. Then as you continue to hold on to the buckets, let them drop back to where they were on the floor as you exhale a huge breath with a “Haaaaaa” sound. Then start another cycle. Breathe in as you lift the heavy buckets above your head and exhale as you drop them forward, bending your knees as you go. Continue for about 10 cycles then return the buckets to the floor and slowly rise up to a standing position. Be still with eyes closed for a moment or two and notice what’s happening now for you – your breath, your feelings, and your thoughts.
EXERCISE 3: Monkey Side Bends
Have you ever seen a monkey rock from side to side while scratching under each armpit? Well this exercise is a variation of that. Begin by standing with feet a little wider than hip width apart. Imagine your body is being flattened slightly by being pressed between two panes of glass and will stay in this plane as you move from side to side. Let you body bend over to the left side as you bring your right fist up under your right armpit. Then come up to standing as you transfer the right arm down towards you right knee and your left fist comes up under your left armpit. Continue going from side to side but there is one more very important piece – in fact it’s the most important part. As you raise each fist up under each armpit breath IN though your nose, and as you come through the vertical position in transition breath OUT through your mouth with a “Haaaa”. This results in fairly rapid but deep breathing as you “monkey” from side to side. Continue for 20 repetitions once you’ve established the breathing with the movement.
EXERCISE 4: Supported Forward Bend with Falling Out Breath.
Use your bed or a chair or table for support. Reach forward for the bed, table or chair and let your body hang forward but supported by your hands on the prop in front of you. For the first SURRENDER part of the posture, bend your knees slightly so that you can just HANG in a relaxed way without any stretch happening. For the ENGAGEMENT of the posture simply straighten your legs to engage a hamstring stretch at the same time straightening your arms by walking back a little from your support. You may also notice a stretch around your shoulders as well as in your hamstrings.
Bring BREATH into the exercise by breathing IN as you straighten your legs and engage the stretch and by breathing OUT with a “Haaaa” as you release the stretch. Continue for 10 repetitions.
Then, just hang again for a few breaths before slowly returning to a standing position.
And THAT’S ALL!
Do these four little exercises each morning for a week and see if it makes a difference to your days.

STRESS OR BLISS?

The following is an excerpt from Michael Lee's book "Turn Stress into Bliss"

If you like what you read you can order the book online at www.theyogashop.com

What is Stress? What is Bliss?

Lets deal with the second one first. I have a friend who is a chiropractor and sees a lot of people who have chronic back pain of one kind or another. When he first sees a patient he likes to find out more about them so he can determine the best course of treatment. He asks several questions including the one “How long is it since you had some REAL FUN?”. He tells me there are basically three categories of response he gets to that question. Some people say something like “Oh, just last week I took my kids to an amusement park and we had a blast.” With these folks he knows that they will be easy to treat and the problem is most likely just a temporary physical dysfunction. Others might say something along the lines of “Well doc, its been a while since I had any real fun”. With these folks he knows there could be other things going on in their life as well as what is manifesting physically that could be contributing to their problem. Treatment won’t be as easy and may take longer. His third category is the most interesting. These are the folks that respond abruptly to his question with a statement like this. “Fun? What is that? What do you mean by “fun”? Could you define that for me?” With these people he knows he has real problems on his hands. They most likely have removed themselves psychologically from any genuine experience of their own life. They are probably not very well connected to themselves physically or emotionally and they tend to live their lives from their mind. They prefer to have their lives defined for them by an external authority rather than trust their own unique experience of life.

If you think about it, fun is different for different people. But anyone who ever has fun knows what it is. The same could be said of bliss. I recently experienced one of those magical days that will be unforgettable. When I write, I like to come to my simple lakefront “camp” in the North Woods of Maine. I have a beautiful view of Katahdin, the highest mountain in Maine, with the lake in the foreground. In the morning, the air was still and the lake was the calmest I had ever seen it. The water shimmered like glass. I was so awestruck by its beauty that instead of doing the next thing, I paused and sat down and simply took in the beauty of what was in front of my eyes for the next 10 minutes. It was so quiet and yet so majestically beautiful. Later in the day the sunset was even more beautiful. A real “Golden Pond” moment when scenery, feelings, and connection to life all seem to come to together in one instant to create an overall magnificent experience of life - a sensual and spiritual orgasm without sex. On both occasions, I was in “bliss” - at least according to my experience of it, and if anyone wanted to define it differently it would not affect my experience of it. It simply was what it was.

Now, I believe that my capacity to experience that bliss has a lot to do with what is happening overall in my life. If my life had been recently stressful for a prolonged period, would I have been able to notice the lake and the view? Or would my mind have been so busy with my “to do’ list that I would have not taken the time to notice, or if I had noticed, would I have ignored it in preference to rushing to do the next ‘important’ thing? Does this mean that if I am stressed, I am unlikely to be able to experience bliss?
Perhaps this is so. It certainly seems the chances of having any fun are much less if I am too stressed out to recognize a blissful moment or to be too busy to enjoy it. So what is stress?

My simplest experience of stress at its worst is to liken it to a “fish out of water”. Whenever we position ourselves in life to the extent that it places us in unknown and uncomfortable situations for long enough we become like a fish out of water. So in response we flap vigorously to try to regain what we have lost but trying to swim on dry land just doesn’t work. Something is missing. The water isn’t there. We think we can get by without it if we can just swim harder and faster but the result is the same. There is no progress and we don’t get back to where we want to be. Whenever we create situations in our lives that defy our deep inner wisdom and continue to do things that are not in our best long term interests, we begin to remove ourselves from the “water”. It can happen in very subtle and unnoticeable ways. It can also happen by doing more than we can handle at any given time. I recall reading a stress check list that listed many significant life changing events that we all experience from time to time and each one had a score so you could calculate your stress level. The way it worked was that if two or more significant life changing events were happening at the same time you had a good chance of being seriously under stress. For example a new relationship accompanied by a change in residence or death of a loved one accompanied by a change in career or arrival of a newborn or any similar combination would most likely be enough to put most of us over the edge with stress in our lives. Why does change produce stress? Because change requires us to adapt – to do things differently from the way we have grown accustomed to doing them – and doing things differently is not always easy. It can put us on edge. Remember the dinosaurs and why they disappeared? The climate changes that they had to face were too stressful so they died. They could not adapt. Are we in danger like those dinosaurs?