THE STRESS OF PARENTING

"When you think about it, being a parent is very much like a 90 minute strenuous yoga routine, only expanded into 20 years or more. You come up against all kinds of edges, find numerous opportunities to find out how to be present to what is happening, and find out a lot about yourself in the process. ….

... Parenting in the 21^st century is also very different from any other time in history. Only 50 years or so ago, we could almost predict that things would not change a lot from one generation to another. Not so now. Children of today, by the time they become teenagers, are probably much more adept at accessing information about anything, than both parents combined. Old systems of control used for generations of parenting, no longer apply. How can you control someone who has more information about everything than you do? It's a set up for failure.

Instead, parents must learn how to be enrollers and know how to inspire their offspring into playing a game of life that works and offers results worth achieving. "

THE ABOVE EXCERPT is taken from the Chapter on Parenting in my first book Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy: Bridge from Body Soul published in 1997. As I read it I realize that what I wrote about then, is not only still relevant some 12 years later, but is even more ( and sometimes painfully) true. In reading further I also realize that the suggestion I made then around how to deal with the many issues faced by modern parents, also still applies. Here's the essence of what I suggested then.

"…it's not so much what I do as a parent that matters as much as how I be. " p.161

And the good news is that I really do have some control over how I "be" and how I show up in my day to day relationships. For me, I don't talk to a single person in the morning until I've done at least 10 to 15 minutes of moving my body, breathing, and centering myself. I know from years of experience that this one simple thing makes a huge difference in how I show up. I also know I need to focus my mind and put my best foot forward. If I don't, that same foot will probably end up in my mouth before breakfast is over.

To me, part of getting centered as a parent, means bringing to focus all the love I feel for each member of my family. It only takes a few minutes and can even be done while washing face, combing hair or brushing teeth. I simply make a mental picture of each member of the household, and in my mind's eye, "pour out the love" to each in turn. It sounds simple and it is… but it's also very powerful. How do you prepare yourself on the inside for a day of parenting? Try my approach if you want, or create your own. But remember, parenting is a job that not only needs all the everyday skills you can muster, it also needs some inner preparation and focus if you hope to avoid or deal with much of the stress involved.

It's hard to believe that first book I wrote Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy: Bridge from Body Soul is still in print and still selling. If you want your copy you can get it at TheYogaShop.com

A big welcome to all my new subscribers who joined this week. If you like what you read, please do me and your friends a favor and forward this blog to them. I promise it won't take long to read, there's no hard selling, and each post will contain at least one simple thing that could make a difference to your life. My primary purpose in writing here, is to share with you some of the things (mostly processes), that I've learned so far in my life, that really do work.

Economic Stress

With all the talk about our economy tanking along with the very real effects that some of us must be experiencing, it’s hard not to spend a lot of the day thinking, talking, complaining, or worrying about it all.

Unfortunately the more time we devote to those things, the worse we feel and the less we do to make anything all that much different.

I’ve found myself drawn into the trap lately. Just about every person I talk to for any length of time will have something to say about it. Sometimes it’s in jest but the underlying feeling is the same. The tough economic times we are going through really suck!

And that’s true. But the big question is how to not allow it to stress us out? And the next more important question is how do we adjust if we need to, to make life great again despite the woes?
I guess what I’m getting at is this. It’s important for us not to deny the reality of what is happening but it’s also important to channel our energy towards making adjustments rather than wasting time complaining about it.

For me this has meant taking a good look at the damage done to my 401K and evaluating how to adjust accordingly. It is likely I will now have much less retirement income than I had planned on. That’s a hard pill to swallow but it is what it is and I’ll have to deal with it. I’ve been looking at ways to cut back on some of my spending and also exploring ways of maybe generating a little more income.

It’s interesting that once I begin to engage in these problem solving strategies I begin to actually FEEL better. My creative juices begin to flow and I even notice myself getting a little excited by some of the possibilities I’m brainstorming. As I begin to formulate ideas, I start sharing them with my spouse and family members and they too get involved. We begin to come together as a team and share the burden we face with that “we can do this” kind of attitude.

It’s been said that there is nothing like a little adversity to bring people together to fight a common enemy.

So every time you notice yourself complaining or worrying, use that as a signal to start shifting gears and moving yourself into problem solving mode. It’s hard to do both at the same time and all the complaining does is delay the problem solving. For some this can go on until it’s way too late. Don’t let that happen to you. Also, begin to ask others close to you the question, “What can we do about this do you think?” This way you are not shouldering the burden alone and starting to help others focus on finding solutions too.