Resolutions

streIt's usually about this time of year when we start making those "New Year's Resolutions". I guess the date turning over on the calendar from one year to the next inspires action for many of us to finally conquer whatever demon seems to be keeping us from experiences of health, wealth, and happiness.

For some, things work out and new beginnings take root and eventually flower into bloom. I remember quitting smoking about 30 years ago as a result of one such resolution. Now I'm not sure if it was the "new year" part of it that worked or the $500 bet I had with a co-worker also trying to quit that really got me motivated. Either way, it worked and I've remained smoke free.

For others, things don't work so well. Like many, I recall taking out a new gym membership one year and swearing to God that I was going to get rid of that holiday bulge by spring, only to find April roll around with membership lapsed and belly intact.

So what's the answer? It seems sometimes our resolutions might create more stress in our lives and do little to change anything, so why bother?

Perhaps it's the way we go about it. If you are inclined to make them, here's a few tips to use that will maximize your chances of manifesting whatever it is you are trying to create in your life with your New Year Resolution.

1. KIS – Keep it Simple! Take small steps and make just ONE resolution rather than multiple ones. If you are a mostly activity challenged kind of person, rather than declaring that you will train for and run a marathon by March, how about taking a 10 minute morning walk on 4 out of the 7 days in each week?
   
2. Time bound it! This is important. You need to declare not only WHAT your are going to do but also by WHEN. Example: By March 31^st, I will have gone for at least a 10 minute walk on 4 out of 7 mornings each week during the first three months of 2009.
   
3. Enroll support. By all means tell people of your resolution as a means of cementing the commitment, but go one step further. Ask for help. Example: "Kids, I'll be getting up early to go for my walk and I need your help. When you wake up you'll find bowls and cereal on the table. Please help yourselves and clean up and I'll be back in about 15 minutes."
   
4. Pre-plan for the knockout excuses and inner conversations that will stop you. Example: "I can't go walking this morning because it's raining/snowing/ too cold/too hot". Replace this with, "No matter what the weather, I will dress appropriately and go for my walk anyway!"
   
5. Keep the goal in mind. For most of us we wouldn't be going for a walk everyday just of the hell of it. We are doing it because it serves a higher purpose. Know what you want and remind yourself when you are getting it. Example: "I walk each day because it clears my mind, calms my emotions, and makes me feel physically alive". And each day upon returning: "I feel clear, calm and alive and ready for my day!"
   

Go for it! Make that resolution that will change your life! Good luck! (Or shouldn't I say, "Good Management!")

When you Fall over the Edge

Despite our best intentions around the Holidays (see last week’s blog post), we are going to inevitably fall short of manifesting what we might intend. Example: You are committed to creating serene and peaceful home environment during the holidays, but one morning for no “apparent” reason, you find yourself yelling at one of your children. The serenity disappears, hurt frowns appear on faces, everyone feels a little jarred into another reality, and you feel awful for creating such a mess with just a few harsh words. What do you do?
Well it’s kind of like spilling milk on the floor. You can’t magically get it back in the container. You just have to clean it up and let go of it. You could dwell on it for the rest of the day but would that really serve you or anyone else? Probably not! So if you find yourself in this situation here’s a simple strategy for letting go and moving on.
First, be aware of what happened and what you did so you can make a few simple sentences to accurately describe the event. Example: I was frustrated trying to get breakfast for everyone and John refused to respond to my request for him to empty the dishwasher. I got angry and yelled at him.
Next, accept that you got angry. It might not be the part of you that you like the most, but it does happen. There is nothing wrong with anger either. It’s a legitimate feeling. On the other hand you do have a choice around how you express it and perhaps yelling at someone you love is not your most preferred choice. You can make a simple statement to explain this. Example: “John, I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was angry that you didn’t respond when I asked and I could have just talked to you rather than yelling. Please accept my apology for the way I handled my anger.” (Notice you are not apologizing for being angry but for the WAY YOU HANDLED your anger.)
Finally, reaffirm and express to others your intention. Example: “I’d like us to create a peaceful and loving household this Christmas and the way I just spoke to John didn’t help. I’d like to get back on track with my intention and could use your forgiveness and support. Thanks.”
Remember, we didn’t learn to ride a bicycle by never falling off and even when we’ve mastered it we can still have the odd skid and crash. When you fall, just get up, dust off, and climb right back on – hopefully with a smile. Have fun and enjoy the Holidays.

CREATING CELEBRATION THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

USE YOUR POWERS OF INTENTION AND CREATIVITY

Sometimes we become victims to the Holiday Season. Holidays come with numerous expectations from others and obligations we feel we must meet. How often do you just “go along” with all that’s expected? It’s fine to do that if it can be done with love in your heart and a genuine smile on your face. If not, then perhaps it’s time to ask the BIG question: “What do I want to create for me and my loved ones this year during the Holidays?”

EXERCISE

Sit in a comfortable chair for a few minutes, close your eyes, and ponder that question. Ask it slowly and several times over to yourself. Then sit quietly and see what answers arise for you. As well as reflecting on your answers, also FEEL them in your body. Your body is often a great barometer of your truth. If an answer feels good in your body, it’s probably right on the money.

Once you get clear what it is you want to create, it’s time to start planning to make it happen. But do so with some openness and flexibility. When I asked that question for myself, one of the important things for me was being together with all of my children and grandchildren for the whole day on Christmas day. As I started to plan and talked to my adult children, I discovered it probably wasn’t going to work out as it conflicted with some of their plans. My daughter-in-law was very understanding and suggested that if we changed the day to the day before Christmas, the whole family could get together for a day of fun and togetherness. Although I would have preferred the 25^th, I settled on the 24^th and got most all of what I wanted to create and with everyone being supportive. Communication and enrolling the support of others is the last step and an important one, in the process of creating what you want.

Try it! And Happy Holidays!

MORE TIPS ON BEATING HOLIDAY STRESS

1. Take time for Transitions

One of the ways to crank up the stress level over the holidays is to go from one activity or place to another without any transition time. It’s easy to do. I know some people who feel obliged to visit four or more different relatives on Christmas day and drag their children along. If this fits your profile you might want to do a little “time management” now and make plans to spend some in-between time doing nothing. Or better still, spread the visits out over several days or weekend days before or after the holidays and use some time to just chill at home enjoying your immediate family.

2. Get outside often and exercise a little too

Cabin fever usually sets in at holiday time. We don’t get outdoors much and we don’t breathe a whole lot of fresh air. Just 10 minutes a day outside – either walking, skiing, snow shoeing, or just simply playing in the snow or watching your garden not grow will do it. And while you are out there try a little deep breathing. Get some of that beautiful crisp winter air flowing into your lungs and enjoy it.

3. Remember what the Holidays are about and show up accordingly

One family I know has a huge Christmas dinner every year. Mom slaves in the kitchen for days to make it happen. By the time the dinner is in the oven she is exhausted and cranky. Family members avoid the kitchen in order to avoid Mom. She does manage to pull it together when she finally sits at the table but you can tell she’s been very stressed and not happy for quite a while and it tends to rub off. By all means do the big production for a holiday meal if you can do it without too much effort and retain a positive composure. But if you can’t, then try something different that will give you time to be with the people you want to celebrate with, and to show up for them with love and peace in your heart.

Happy Holidays!

READ MY LAST WEEKS BLOG POST ON “HOLIDAY STRESS” below if you haven’t already and look for one more update on the subject next week before it’s show time for this year.

MINIMIZE STRESS DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Most people, if asked, will generally tell you that holidays are a stressful time. We also often hold memories of great family gatherings, wonderful food, gifts, and togetherness when we think of holidays in years gone by.

What then, makes holiday time so stressful?

I believe it’s because we spend a lot of time DOING and only a little time BEING. The “being” part of the holidays usually happens when we are sitting around a fire, sipping hot chocolate, chatting with family or friends, and generally just hanging out and “being” together. The “doing” part involves all the lead up to the holidays – shopping for gifts, preparing food, welcoming visitors and so on.

So the key to reducing holiday stress is to maximize the “being” and minimize the “doing”.

This will require both management and awareness if you want to pull it off. First become aware of all the “doing” things around holiday time that create stress for you. Make a list. Then take each item in turn and decide how you can make each item less stressful. How can you minimize the “doing” for each item?

Here is an example. Our family recently gave up the idea of everyone buying gifts for everyone else. Instead we ALL buy a just one gift for each person. One person is assigned the task of gathering information from others on a particular family member and then going and purchasing just one gift for that person with all other family members contributing. We were surprised to find that some wonderful things happened from using this gift giving strategy. Firstly, a lot of thought went into each gift. In fact the whole family spent time “being” with each other in our thoughts, as opposed to each of us racing around numerous stores spending many frustrating hours trying to decide what to buy for each person. The plan also gave us more time to focus on other aspects of the holidays. Two family members were assigned the task of creating a Christmas Day ritual to precede the gift giving. More focus was placed on the part of the holidays that involved our “being” together and less on all the doing beforehand. Now, don’t think you have to follow our lead here and do the same in your family unless it is something you feel fits for you and yours. We each need to arrive out our very own solutions for maximizing the “being” and minimizing the “doing”. What do you think you could do that would work for you and your family?

Next week I’ll talk some more about other ways to help reduce Holiday Stress.