When you Fall over the Edge

Despite our best intentions around the Holidays (see last week’s blog post), we are going to inevitably fall short of manifesting what we might intend. Example: You are committed to creating serene and peaceful home environment during the holidays, but one morning for no “apparent” reason, you find yourself yelling at one of your children. The serenity disappears, hurt frowns appear on faces, everyone feels a little jarred into another reality, and you feel awful for creating such a mess with just a few harsh words. What do you do?
Well it’s kind of like spilling milk on the floor. You can’t magically get it back in the container. You just have to clean it up and let go of it. You could dwell on it for the rest of the day but would that really serve you or anyone else? Probably not! So if you find yourself in this situation here’s a simple strategy for letting go and moving on.
First, be aware of what happened and what you did so you can make a few simple sentences to accurately describe the event. Example: I was frustrated trying to get breakfast for everyone and John refused to respond to my request for him to empty the dishwasher. I got angry and yelled at him.
Next, accept that you got angry. It might not be the part of you that you like the most, but it does happen. There is nothing wrong with anger either. It’s a legitimate feeling. On the other hand you do have a choice around how you express it and perhaps yelling at someone you love is not your most preferred choice. You can make a simple statement to explain this. Example: “John, I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was angry that you didn’t respond when I asked and I could have just talked to you rather than yelling. Please accept my apology for the way I handled my anger.” (Notice you are not apologizing for being angry but for the WAY YOU HANDLED your anger.)
Finally, reaffirm and express to others your intention. Example: “I’d like us to create a peaceful and loving household this Christmas and the way I just spoke to John didn’t help. I’d like to get back on track with my intention and could use your forgiveness and support. Thanks.”
Remember, we didn’t learn to ride a bicycle by never falling off and even when we’ve mastered it we can still have the odd skid and crash. When you fall, just get up, dust off, and climb right back on – hopefully with a smile. Have fun and enjoy the Holidays.