Am I stressed?

I often get asked questions like "What is stress?", "How would I know if I am stressed or not?", and my favorite, "What's the definition of stress?" That last one is usually asked by someone who likes to figure things out. If they can just get a solid scientific definition, they'll be able to figure it out. Well that may be true, but I prefer a much simpler approach. Whenever I get asked these questions, I usually don't answer them. Instead I ask a question of my own. One which I've found very reliable in helping someone determine if they are stressed or not.

And that question is: "Tell me about the last time you had REAL FUN?"

Go ahead – think about your answer to that question before reading further.

Responses vary. Some people immediately smile and begin to tell me about some exciting adventure or some hilarious recent episode in their life. Others have to think about it for a while before remembering an event. A few look blank and can't remember any recent fun. And a few others glare at me and demand, "Can you define for me what you mean by fun?"

Fun is not exactly the same as bliss but it's in the same family. If you are stressed out, bliss will be hard to come by, and often fun will be scarce as well. So if your answer to that question didn't immediately make you smile as you recalled a recent fun memory, you might want to ask this question. "What's in the way of me having more fun in my life?"

Now in answer to that question, many folks will blame someone or something as being responsible for their lack of fun. It might be a spouse, a job, kids, time, the economy, life in general, or any number of good causes worthy of taking the hit. If your answer included any of these you need to ask this one. "What do I need to do to create fun in my life and why am I letting my excuse stop me?"

Often stress and lack of fun come from the same source. We are not managing our lives but instead are being swept down the stream of life by a tide of circumstance. If this applies to you and you are aware of it, you are way ahead of the game. Many people are not.

If you are aware and you want to change it, here are some tips for dealing with stress in your life.

First, don't rush to a solution. Instead follow this process to find one. Too often we take drastic and immediate action to change things and sometimes create more stress as a result. Instead, make some time, and take some time, on a daily basis to do some reflection – even if it's only 10 minutes a day.

Sit in a quiet place and begin by emptying your mind. Close your eyes and focus on your breath and simply sit for a while you as you breathe in and out. Just notice your breath, nothing else. If you start thinking about anything, notice that it happened and then come immediately back to your breath. After 10 minutes of this, take your journal (buy one today if you don't already have one) and write your answers to these questions. "What do I notice about myself and my life? What's working for me? What's not working? What would I like to change?"

The very best answers to these big questions will come after you've sat in stillness and relaxed for a while. The very worst answers will come when you are stressed, angry, fearful, or busy. Cheers!

Do this every day for a week and on the last day of the week read back what you've written and ask "What have I learned this week?" Write about that.

You may have to repeat this process a few times but at some point you will get increased clarity and a firmer commitment to make some changes that will be better for you. You will be the one to begin removing stress from your life and having fun again. Try it, even if you think your are on top of everything.

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