Teenage Stress

A recent UCLA study reports that stress experienced in the teen years can have a negative affect on physical health in later years – particularly in relation to cardio-vascular disease. I guess this finding is not so alarming on the surface. What is concerning though is the significant increase in stress being experienced by a large percentage of teens in recent years.

As a father of five over a thirty year span of my life I have seen the changes first hand. The life of an average seventeen year old today can be very different than it was for someone that age in 1985. It seems today there is more pressure to perform in many areas of life and not just academically. Social networks fueled by instant messaging and cell phones have expanded to the point that thirty percent of some teens waking hours is spent in cyber conversation. Throw in on top of this the usual homework concerns, getting along with parents, dealing with first love, dressing to be cool, a changing body and other issues and it's not surprising that many teens succumb to "over the top" stress. No longer does the home provide a safe haven and a respite from the outside stressors that many teens are facing. With this happening it's easy as a parent to just give up and muddle through as best we can. At the same time, and ever the optimist, I'm always on the lookout for ways to make it easier for my kids. As much as possible I prioritize creating or providing experiences for them that will help them better deal with all they might be facing. Some work and some don't.

I was in Colorado last weekend to visit my 17 year old who is taking part in what is called The Rocky Mountain Semester at the High Mountain Institute. I sat in his English class listening to him and his peers read poems they had written about their experience so far. Already they have been on two expeditions - one to the Canyons of Utah and one in the high mountains of Colorado in the middle of winter. On the winter expedition they were out for nine days, sleeping in snow caves and quigloos they had shoveled out of the snow pack, carrying their food and shelter on sleds and using skins and telemark skis to climb and descend peaks up to 14,000 feet in elevation. They wrote about this different experience of life and how serene and fulfilled they felt both during and after. The hardships endured in just getting warm and going to the bathroom in the snow at fifteen below, didn't seem to bother them that much and were rarely highlighted. Instead, many of the poems gave voice to a camaraderie not ever before experienced and a connection to others that gave them a sense of wellbeing and support. They talked about learning how to take care of themselves and each other and be present to whatever they faced. The poems were eloquent and deep and clearly not influenced by anything other than the spirit of the poet. For two months they have been without a cell phone, and have very limited (and slow) internet access. On their main campus they sleep in a small cabin with nine others and wake several times a night to fuel the wood stove that heats it. I couldn't help but notice how alive and happy they all appeared. I have never seen my son so full of life and so comfortable with his surroundings, friends, schoolwork, and the leadership skills he's developing. There was no overwhelming stress here.

I began to ask myself a question. How could I create at home, an environment that produced a similar feel? And then I realized I was discrediting my son, his colleagues, and the faculty by even asking the question. Why? Because each one of them had pro-actively created what they were experiencing. It didn't just happen by chance and it was not my job to try to create it for anyone other than myself somewhere else. In my conversation with my son before I left this became more apparent as he told me how he had changed. He was learning how to create his world the way he wanted it regardless of where in the wider world he might find himself. He was being given the tools to help him do it, but no one was doing it for him. At present he was fortunate to be in the company of others doing it too but knowing that he will be ready to go solo when the time comes.

I left feeling like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders and that my son was becoming equipped to handle whatever stress or problems might come his way in life. This felt so much more powerful to me than my trying to shelter him from these things. As a fellow parent, you might want to ask what experiences you might be able to offer to your teen - ones that can empower them to deal with the stress and the complexities of life that are bound to come their way.

As well as great programs like the one at High Mountain Institute, there are many other resources available. Check out listings for summer camps that offer a leadership component. Look for nature and wilderness experiences that use the backdrop of nature as a tool for empowerment. At a more basic level, many yoga or martial arts programs for teens offer components that support them in developing the strengths to handle adversity.

Here are two additional links

Appalachian Mountain Club Teen Wilderness Adventures

Northwaters Wilderness Program